Call it new age, call it lazy or call it crazy…
Today’s parenting style is not producing positive results.
We seem to have forgotten that our job as parents is not to be best friends with our children. Our job is to guide them, protect them, educate them and provide them with very clear expectations so they know exactly what is acceptable and what is not. And yet, so many parents seem to be losing ground when it comes to setting these parenting standards.
Instead, we have parents who are leaving decisions up to their 7 year olds, and parents who are tip toeing around their pre teen and teenaged-kids as if they, as parents, have lost all ability to expect the basic rules of good manners, common sense, respect and consideration. So many parents just give up or give in.
No one said it would be easy!
It does take some effort, consistency and a strong inner core …
to parent with confidence. But, what it takes more than anything, is a commitment to operate from truth. Most parents know what is right and what is wrong. Most parents, when honest with themselves, can identify behaviors in their child (and in themselves) that need change. And yet, so many parents prefer to come up with reasons (excuses) as to why the child is behaving this way instead of handling the situation. I suppose this is the easier route. It is not, however, the best. When a parent operates from truth and is consistent with expectations, amazing things can happen.
Whatever happened to… because I said so!
No need to explain every step or decision you make as a parent to your 7 year old. No need to accept that your teenager is rude to you in the mornings because he is tired. No need to allow your children to have their phones out at the dinner table when the goal is family time.
The Teenage Years Are What You Make Of Them
Many parents blindly accept the idea that teenage years must be, by definition, a nightmare experience. Not so! Yes, hormones are involved and, yes, at times, you must choose your battles. But the notion that teenage years somehow turn parents into spectators unable to stand their ground on principles, expectations and common sense is frankly, a cop out! If, and this is a big if, parents have succeeded in laying a strong foundation during the early years, then the teenage years will, no doubt, present parents with the need to increase their patience barometer but should not present a nightmare scenario.
In the end, we as parents, set the stage
We get to direct our children’s upbringing and we are responsible for teaching them right from wrong. Sound and consistent expectations are part of the parenting choreography. To perform well, we must remember our role is to be a parent, firm but fair. Our daily performances should always include, respect, good manners and consideration as main characters.
Expecting the “right thing” may mean that sometimes, your child does not like you. That’s ok! Your goal is not to be your child’s best friend. Your goal is to be a parent!
And, as a parent we must be sure to model what we preach.
by Cammie McKenzie, M Ed, MBA (Education Specialist) as Published in “Inside South McGregor” and “Inside Gateway-Colonial”